Seeing the Signs Part 3

The cycles of behaviour are as clear as day to me now. They don't change. They play out exactly the same way each time. There always needs to be disagreement because living in a state of harmony makes NDP people uneasy, it raises their anxiety levels. The underlying issue for the NPD sufferer is their fear of loss. At least if things are bad they don't care if it all goes up in smoke. To the point that they would rather break a thing and destroy it on their own terms, than be happy and suddenly its all gone. That kind of brutal loss would do such profound damage to their very fragile, super inflated ego that it would be irreversible.

In the beginning, its as if you are living in a fantasy. They will treat you to something called "love bombing" and boy did I get a big dose of that. Over a three year period I got to know a man who I believed was my best friend, my closest confidante and my eternal soul mate. It was just friendship but when he asked me to marry him the second time, it was a feta compli and if I did not accept the friendship would be lost forever. I felt I had no choice because I did not want to lose this friend who had become so dear to me. So it began.
The small wedding ceremony is where I met his family, those who were not opposed to the marriage that is. Later I came to know of the many fights and arguments that had broken out because a man had the audacity to decide to get married to someone of his own choosing. I realised as I looked around that there were very few smiling faces, including my own family who did not get that warm loving feeling from the other side. Quite the opposite in fact.
I would not say it was a happy day for me, at best it was odd. I found it strange that immediately after the small ceremony I was bundled into a car with my mum, sister and brothers and we were off back home. While the groom stayed and enjoyed the rest of the evening with his family. Little did I Know that was a sign of things to come. From that day on it became painfully evident that he was married to his family and nothing was going to change that.
I even remember him telling me once "brothers & sisters are more important than wives, you can always get another wife but you cannot get another brother or sister". So many things I heard and were said to me that when you are in a state of denial, just gloss over you but when you look back you are in awe that you could not see the severity of the meaning.
Back to the love bombing, that came to an abrupt end almost as soon as the vows were over. Unfortunately by that time I was too invested in the situation to be objective or even question anything. I simply brushed everything off. Yes, the signs were many and probably to an outsider they would have set alarm bells ringing straight away but its always easy when your not in it. I don't want to sit here and blame myself, that will never solve anything because even if I could see things objectively I probably would still have given it a chance. Lets face it, no one gets married to get divorced. Specially after you spend your last dime on a wedding.

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