Narcissists love to manipulate you!
It has taken me many years of contemplating whether to go online and write about what I am going through. One thing, when you have been in a long term relationship with an Narcissist and there are offspring, it just never ends. So I made a decision to share my experience for two reasons, first being that I want others who are in a similar situation to be able to read my story and join the dots, sooner rather than later. It took me a long time to understand what was happening and I don't want anyone else to waste their life, energy and love on someone who will never give back.
The second reason is that I had so much to say that I wanted an outlet to release my thoughts. To give myself some head space so I could focus. You see what happens when your in a bad relationship is that it consumes you. All you do is think and wonder and question what you did wrong, what is happening and why but you can't find answers because your head is spinning. Your mind is blown!
Narcissists are masters of manipulation. They are the charming, suave, often good looking person that comes along and says and does all the right things to make you fall. Yes fall, head over heals in love with them. They are the pillar of the community, the person others in their circle look up to and admire. You will find that once you try to expose them you will end up looking like the mad one to everyone else because people will find it so hard to believe.
Some people though have an innate intuition and can read people and situations on a deeper level to gain an insight, others do not perceive. Without blowing my own trumpet or being mystical or anything, I have that sense. I know what your thinking, how come you did not know this guy was such a narcissist. The answer is simple, I kind of new but I chose to ignore it.
Love is so powerful, it makes you want to believe things that are not true. It makes you gloss over all the imperfections, failures, faults and warning flags and exaggerate the good to a level that it becomes impossible to resist.
Marriage is not something you should get into with your heart, its something you should get into with your head. Your heart does not have the capacity to draw up an airtight contract, it is too emotional. Your head can get a better deal in which your heart can then be free to find comfort & security, not the other way round.
In the early days we would visit his family and I would leave them feeling physically sick like someone had put a hex on me. No one in his entire (very large) family had anything nice to say to me. From his mother, to his brothers & sisters, not a single word of love or encouragement was ever uttered. Anytime I was around them I felt as though the air was polluted & stale and I was suffocating. They would gather together and sit in silence that would choke me or they would criticise in their own language and make you feel like a Leper. Either way I could see that even they were uncomfortable in each others' company. All my initial feelings and intuitions about them were correct. I had pegged almost all of them about right, jealousies, feelings of inadequacy, insecurity, animosity and hatred that they all tried to keep under wraps were obvious to me.
The only one whom I kept find excuses for, was him. A narcissist is a master manipulator, whatever you accuse him of, he will turn it back on you. If you tell him he is wrong, he will say you are wrong. If you tell him he needs help, he will tell you, you need help. If you suggest he is narcissistic, he will say you are narcissistic. It is a never ending merry go round that will spin forever and achieve nothing.
You cannot reason, discuss or argue with a narcissist because they don't want to resolve anything. They don't want to change anything, they just want you to shut up and carry on as normal. They are controlling and they will try to control you with money or the kids or by giving you the silent treatment until you fall inline. I was lucky on a few things, for some reason I never really committed to my life with, so always stayed with my mum. In the beginning it was because it was close to work, then when I had my kids, I needed her because he was absent. As time went on I could never find myself committed because of that intuition that told me something about him ain't right.
I realised that God had blessed me by making sure I never committed to the situation, I never relied on him and I never allowed myself to let go and really fall in love with him. My barriers were up and being strengthened with each day that passed. All along the way the red flags that kept coming made me hide from him, hide everything, my heart, my thoughts, my hopes, my life, my intentions, my plans, my finances, my work...everything. I realised, he did not know me at all and that was my strength.
In my next blog I want to share a few tips that will help anyone going through this kind of nightmare relationship.
Stay tuned.
Stay Strong
Love N
The second reason is that I had so much to say that I wanted an outlet to release my thoughts. To give myself some head space so I could focus. You see what happens when your in a bad relationship is that it consumes you. All you do is think and wonder and question what you did wrong, what is happening and why but you can't find answers because your head is spinning. Your mind is blown!
Narcissists are masters of manipulation. They are the charming, suave, often good looking person that comes along and says and does all the right things to make you fall. Yes fall, head over heals in love with them. They are the pillar of the community, the person others in their circle look up to and admire. You will find that once you try to expose them you will end up looking like the mad one to everyone else because people will find it so hard to believe.
Some people though have an innate intuition and can read people and situations on a deeper level to gain an insight, others do not perceive. Without blowing my own trumpet or being mystical or anything, I have that sense. I know what your thinking, how come you did not know this guy was such a narcissist. The answer is simple, I kind of new but I chose to ignore it.
Love is so powerful, it makes you want to believe things that are not true. It makes you gloss over all the imperfections, failures, faults and warning flags and exaggerate the good to a level that it becomes impossible to resist.
Marriage is not something you should get into with your heart, its something you should get into with your head. Your heart does not have the capacity to draw up an airtight contract, it is too emotional. Your head can get a better deal in which your heart can then be free to find comfort & security, not the other way round.
In the early days we would visit his family and I would leave them feeling physically sick like someone had put a hex on me. No one in his entire (very large) family had anything nice to say to me. From his mother, to his brothers & sisters, not a single word of love or encouragement was ever uttered. Anytime I was around them I felt as though the air was polluted & stale and I was suffocating. They would gather together and sit in silence that would choke me or they would criticise in their own language and make you feel like a Leper. Either way I could see that even they were uncomfortable in each others' company. All my initial feelings and intuitions about them were correct. I had pegged almost all of them about right, jealousies, feelings of inadequacy, insecurity, animosity and hatred that they all tried to keep under wraps were obvious to me.
The only one whom I kept find excuses for, was him. A narcissist is a master manipulator, whatever you accuse him of, he will turn it back on you. If you tell him he is wrong, he will say you are wrong. If you tell him he needs help, he will tell you, you need help. If you suggest he is narcissistic, he will say you are narcissistic. It is a never ending merry go round that will spin forever and achieve nothing.
You cannot reason, discuss or argue with a narcissist because they don't want to resolve anything. They don't want to change anything, they just want you to shut up and carry on as normal. They are controlling and they will try to control you with money or the kids or by giving you the silent treatment until you fall inline. I was lucky on a few things, for some reason I never really committed to my life with, so always stayed with my mum. In the beginning it was because it was close to work, then when I had my kids, I needed her because he was absent. As time went on I could never find myself committed because of that intuition that told me something about him ain't right.
I realised that God had blessed me by making sure I never committed to the situation, I never relied on him and I never allowed myself to let go and really fall in love with him. My barriers were up and being strengthened with each day that passed. All along the way the red flags that kept coming made me hide from him, hide everything, my heart, my thoughts, my hopes, my life, my intentions, my plans, my finances, my work...everything. I realised, he did not know me at all and that was my strength.
In my next blog I want to share a few tips that will help anyone going through this kind of nightmare relationship.
Stay tuned.
Stay Strong
Love N
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